by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
2. Not till the bad feelings come out
Brother and sisters need to have their feelings about each other acknowledged.
Children need to have their hutful actions stopped.
And shown how to discharge angry feelings a ccptably.
Child: furious
With words that identify the feeling
- furious
With wishes
you wish xxx
With symbolic or creative activity
express emotions and wishes.
3. The Perils of Coparisons
Resist the urge to compare: Instead of comparing one child unfavorably to another, speak to the child only about the behaviour that displeases you.
Describe wha tyou see and feel.
Describe what needs to be done.
4. Equal is less.
Children don't need to be treated equally. They need to be treated Uniquely.
Instead of giving equal amounts, give according to the invidual need.
Instead of showing equal love, show the child is loved uniquely.
Instead of viging equal tie, give time according to need.
5. Siblings in Roles
Let no one lock a child into a role.
Not the parents Nore the child herself nor sibligs.
If A attacks her sister, attend to the sister without attacking A.
Children with problems do not need to be viewed as problem children.
They do need:
1. Acceptance of their frustration.
2. Appreciation for what they have accomplished, however imperfect.
3. Help in focusing on solutions.
6. When kids fight
How to handle the fighting
Level 1: Noral Bickering
1. Ignore it. Think about your next vacation.
2. Tell yourself the children and having an important experience in conflict resolution.
Level 2: Situation heating up. Adult intervention might be helpful.
1. Acknowledge their anger.
2. Reflect each child's point of view.
3. Describe the proble with respect.
4. Express confidence in the children's ability to find their own solution.
5. Leave the room.
Level 3: Situation Possibility Dangerous.
1. Inquire.whether they are really fighting
2. Let the children know that it's ok to play fight but no others.
3. Respect your feelings.
Level 4: Situation defintitely dangerous. Adult intervention necessary.
1. Describe what you see.
2. Separate the children.
When the children can't work out a problem by themselves.
1. Call a meeting of the antagonists. Explain the purpose and the ground rules.
2. Write down each child's feelings and concerns, and read the aloud.
3. Allow tie for rebuttal.
4. Invite everyone to come up with solutions. Write down all ideas without evaluating.
5. Decide upon the solutions you all can live with.
6. Follow-up.
How to give support to the child who asks for it without taking sides.
1. Stat each child's case.
2. State the value or rule.
3. Leave the doorway open for the possibility of negotiation.
4. Leave.
Coping with young rivals
1. You two were havving so much fun.
2. Listen to what they did today.
3. Ask your sister; she's good at that.
4. Luck girl to have such a sister.
5. fun activities for all.
6. I hear crying
7. You two are some team!
Grabbing:
property rights. Sharing rules.
1. Hear the child's point of view.
2. Express your point of view.
3. Invite your child to brainstorm with you.
4. Write down all ideas without evaluating.
5. Solutions.
